Have you ever suffered that awful moment when everyone else in the room is laughing at a joke and you can't see what's funny.
Your misery ends here and now with explainajoke.
Telephone lines are open 24/7 and maybe 25th July as well.
Diner : What sort of soup is this?
Waiter: Its bean soup sir.
Diner : I don’t care what its been, what is it now?
Explanation
The diner wants to know what sort of soup it is and the waiter tells him its bean soup, that is, soup made with beans. You might think that the customer had ordered the soup by name and therefore knew what he is being given, but for the purposes of humour this aspect is overlooked. The customer thinks that he is saying that the soup has had a previous existence - ‘it has been soup sir’ and that now it is something else. The customer, having got the wrong meaning of the word ’bean’ in his mind, says ‘I don’t care what its been, what is it now?’. This type of joke is common in English as there are many words that lend themselves to this confusion.
In real life the dialogue might continue -
Diner : What sort of soup is this?
Waiter: Its bean soup sir.
Diner : I don’t care what its been, what is it now?
Waiter: No sir, its bean spelt b-e-a-n soup.
Diner: Oh I see.
First man: My wife has gone to the West Indies.
Second man : Jamaica?
First man: No, she went of her own accord.
Explanation
In this joke the word ’Jamaica’ spoken by the second man is misunderstood by the first man as ’did you make her’, perhaps he has a hearing problem but this isn’t made clear in the dialogue neither can we deduce it from the information that we have. We just have to presume he mis-hears, for whatever reason, the second man’s statement. Therefore he answers that she went without any compulsion on his part or rather he says ‘No, she went of her own accord’. This is a very old joke.
Diner : Waiter there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter : Don’t shout, everyone will want one.
Explanation
The diner is complaining that there is a fly in his soup and expects the waiter to take some action. The waiter replies implying that the finding a fly in one’s soup is something to be desired and that other diners will envy him. So he says ‘Don’t shout, everyone will want one’. This joke makes a humorous situation out of the conjunction of the diner’s complaint and an unexpected reply by the waiter. In real life we might have hoped that the waiter would apologise and replace the soup -
Diner : Waiter there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter : I’m terribly sorry sir, I’ll replace it straight away.
That isn’t funny at all.
There is a follow-up to this joke in which a diner spills some soup on his trousers and says to the waiter, ’Waiter there’s some soup in my fly’. Here the diner is complaining that he has spilt some soup on his trousers in particular the area of his zip, fly-buttons or fly. On its own its not amusing but if the listener knows or has just been told the first joke, it could cause some mild hilarity.
First man: My dog has no nose
Second man: How does he smell?
First man: Awful
Explanation
The first man is telling his friend that his pet dog is lacking a nose. We can’t imagine by what means the poor dog lost his nose or perhaps was born noseless, but we just have to accept that the dog is nose free. In the world of humour there often has to be a departure from reality as is the case here. Having been told by the first man that his dog is lacking a nose, the second man is curious as to how the animal smells things so he asks ‘how does he smell?’. Now the first man thinks that the second man is actually asking a question like ’what does he smell like?’ so he, knowing his dog to be somewhat foul-smelling, replies ‘awful’.
Its all rather confusing but if you read the joke a few times with this explanation, all should become clear.
Patient: Doctor, doctor whenever I break wind it makes a sound like 'Honda'.
Doctor: Do you drink much absinthe?
Patient I do.
Doctor: There it is then because absinthe makes the fart go honda.
Explanation
Absinthe, which is pronounced 'absanth', is an alcoholic drink particularly popular on the continent. The phrase 'absinthe makes the fart go honda' is a play on the words of the proverb. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder'. 'Absence' becomes 'Absinthe', 'heart' becomes 'fart' and 'fonder' becomes 'Honda'. (Honda is a Japanese maker of cars and motorbikes and other things). .
First man: How dare you break wind in front of my wife\?
Second man: I’m sorry I didn’t realise it was her turn.
Explanation
When the first man uses the phrase ‘in front of’ what he means is ’in the presence of’. A similar use of the phrase might be ‘How dare you say that in front of me?’ meaning ‘How dare you say that in my presence?’. Now the second man interprets the ’in front of’ phrase as meaning ahead in an order of precedence. You might say ‘the lady in front of me in the queue wore a blue hat’ which is the same phrase but with a different interpretation. So the second man thinks that there is orderly sequence for people to break wind and he has done so out of turn so he apologisies.
A treat for the summer - take a bowl of strawbeeries and pile cream on the top'
The strawberries are very tasty but the pile cream is not so nice.
Explanation
The wole crux of this joke is the pun embodied in the phrase 'pile cream'. Piles are a sometimes painful affliction that occurs in your err... umm shall we say, posterior. The usual remedy is to apply cream which you buy at your friendly pharmacist. So that is the first interpretation of 'pile cream'. The second way 'pile cream' can be interpreted is to 'put a good helping of dairy cream on the top'.
First athlete: 'Are you a pole vaulter?'
Second athlete: 'No, I'm German actually but how did you know my name?'
There are two puns in this joke. The first athlete is asking the second athlete if he is a pole vaulter. The second athlete thinks that he is being asked if he is from Poland where the population are know as Poles. So he answers 'No, I'm German.'. That is the first pun.
The second pun involves the word 'vaulter' which can either be heard as referring to someone who 'vaults', in this case using a pole. Or it can be heard as the German name 'Walter' which is pronounced something like 'vaulter'. This is actually quite a complex joke but well worth studying the above explanation to get the maximum benefit from it